Brunmarde.com

President Bush called me on the evening of September 11. He sounded tired but resolute, and he told me that he'd need my help in the coming months. I felt just awful about what had happened that morning -- so tragic, so wasteful -- and I pledged my support.
"We need to make this the biggest and best Christmas ever," he said. "The American people are counting on you to really spread the Christmas spirit and get those cash registers jingling. We need your help in the war against these evildoers." (...)
The first step was a major marketing campaign, a consumer blitz like the world had never seen. We need to make spending money seem like people's patriotic duty, to get people to see their increasing credit card debt as the price they're paying to fight the terrorists. (...)
We'll be aggressively attacking outdated notions of thrift and simplicity as tantamount to high treason, and trying to replace them with sentiments that will encourage consumer spending. So, "It's the thought that counts" will be replaced by "It's the cost that counts," and we'll be attaching price tags with super glue just to reinforce that idea.
It didn't get much publicity for national security reasons, but the USA PATRIOT Act recently approved by Congress included a "Santa Clause" that allows me to increase the elves' work hours without paying overtime and to roll my reindeer chow costs over into the next fiscal year. Volunteerism is a popular notion over the holidays, as everyone wants to do their part to make the world a better place. But too often, people volunteer in soup kitchens or women's shelters or similar nonproductive ventures. So we're creating volunteer opportunities in retail, where it will really help.